Sometimes She Wishes She Was Never Born (Concrete Angel)

Do you have any demons from your past that seem to sneak up and find you, even years after you feel like you've slain them? 

Martina McBride has a song called Concrete Angel that can instantly take me back to my high school years, which I do not look back on fondly.   These lines in particular really touch me:

 "The teacher wonders but she doesn't ask
It's hard to see the pain behind the mask
Bearing the burden of a secret storm
Sometimes she wishes she was never born

Through the wind and the rain
She stands hard as a stone
In a world that she can't rise above
But her dreams give her wings
And she flies to a place where she's loved" - Martina McBride, Concrete Angel

My high school years were some of my toughest and it still breaks my heart when I go back to that place.  I hated school, I hated people, I hated my parents, the list could go on and on...

I had been angry with God for years about letting me be born into such a heartbreaking, demanding, unfair life.  My mother had also told me that she got pregnant with me so that she could get married and get out of her mom's house.  She then quickly cautioned me not to make that same mistake.  Doesn't exactly give you the fuzziest of feelings.

There's one line in particular that is burned into my memory. "Sometimes she wishes she was never born."  I must have had that thought a million & one times.  Then in my English class we were asked to write a paper regarding our opinion on abortion.  And write I did...

 

I wrote a very strong, passionate paper about a women's (or girl's) right to have an abortion.  Not only did I believe this should be her personal right, I honestly believed it was far better to abort a baby than to have one that you didn't want and couldn't love.

I couldn't see any purpose in my life and I knew how much it hurt to grow up with parents who didn't love you, or at least didn't seem to.  I swore I would never put a child through that and I thought people who were against abortion were naive, do-gooders who didn't know a thing about how painful life could be for someone who didn't feel wanted & loved.  I thought they were incredibly self-righteous and uncaring.

As I've grown older and wiser, I've also been blessed with some of the most amazing friendships that have ever existed.  It's crazy how much your heart swells and even spills over when you've discovered true love, and I'm not just talking about romantic love. 

I'm talking about motherhood, friendship, and romantic love all together.  I'm talking about the love that comes from knowing real Christian people who have checked the self-righteousness at the door and who have welcomed you into their family with open, loving arms.  And it comes from a loving, patient God who protects you and forgives you for everything, including being angry with Him.

I'm in no position to judge anyone and I vow to NEVER become one of the uncaring, naive, hypocrites that I so despised.  However, I've also drastically changed my opinion on abortion and I believe every person born on this earth was brought here for a reason. 

I regret all the years that I spent being angry and fighting for the right to take the life of an innocent baby.  I will make it a point to show those "unwanted" babies I come across how much life has to offer and I will share the love with them that has been so graciously poured out on me.