Talk to Me Tuesday – The Real Act of Marriage

The real act of marriage takes place in the heart, not in the ballroom or church or synagogue. It's a choice you make - not just on your wedding day, but over and over again -- and that choice is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.

 

- Barbara De Angelis

I’m a married woman now! So guess what topic is hot on my mind? 

 

I absolutely agree that marriage does take place in your heart and has very little to do with the details of your wedding. I also firmly believe that love is reflected in the way you treat your husband or wife.

For many years I was hesitant to get married because I refused to settle for the wrong person. I would rather be happy by myself than mistreated by someone who is supposed to love me.

It really bothers me when I see a marriage or any long-term relationship where the people involved have resigned themselves to being mistreated because they think it beats the alternative of being alone. I don’t think it does.

I do however take marriage very seriously and believe it is a lifelong commitment. So, there has to be some balance between dedicating yourself to a partnership and not tolerating being mistreated. I’m not going to pretend I have some magic solution to keep that balance, but I think it starts with an agreement that the needs of your marriage have to come before your individual needs.

If you have this type of understanding, your personal needs will not be ignored or disregarded. On the contrary, if you enter into a relationship with a person who genuinely loves you and you both agree to put your marriage before yourself, I think it inspires each of you to look out for the other’s needs. Most of the time people start off with this type of mindset, but then gradually selfishness starts to creep in and undermine the whole agreement.

Some people never start off putting their marriage first because they’re afraid of losing their freedom or their independence. I am an extremely independent, strong-minded, and ambitious person. The thought of being controlled by someone else is simply intolerable to me.

Here’s the thing,
I don’t see my marriage as bondage that is going to tie me down.
I don’t see my marriage as a form of control that will stop me from being me.
I don’t see my marriage as an obstacle to my dreams.

I do see my marriage as,

• The comfort of knowing that I get to share all my secrets, fears, & dreams with my best friend.
• The happiness I feel inside because he makes me feel like I’m the most beautiful and amazing person he’s ever met.
• The butterflies I get in my stomach because he is the most beautiful and amazing person I’ve ever met.
• The peace I feel because there is no doubt in my mind that his loyalty is to me and our commitment to each other.
• The sense of pride I feel knowing that he respects me and thinks highly of me.
• The encouragement I feel knowing that he is ready to stand by my side through thick & thin, cheering me on to be the best me I can be.

I love, admire, and respect my husband very much. There will no doubt be difficult times in our marriage and times when we have to be reminded to put our marriage first, but I am confident we will never stray too far from that track.

  

We talk to each other the way we want to be spoken to. We both make a genuine effort to consider the other person’s feelings, wants & needs. We TALK to each other and share our concerns. We acknowledge what we appreciate about one another.

  

We have known each other our whole lives and have built a strong friendship that we both highly value. Are we perfect? Absolutely not! But, do we love and respect each other? Without question!

  

I have every intention of reflecting my love for my husband through my daily actions. I pray that God will bless our marriage and never let us forget to look at our marriage through the loving eyes that brought us together in the first place.